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Musical

Smash Hits 5


Cast: Bollywood Compilation
Director: Various Artists
Genre: Musical
Play time: 02:23:00
release Year: 2017

Synopsis:

Okay so picture this total chaos on screen where a guy is literally riding a motorcycle through a burning glass skyscraper while holding a glowing blue microchip in his teeth and shouting something about his family honor and honestly you just have to love bollywood for giving us this level of unhinged energy on a random Tuesday night.

So then right after that bike jumps out of the fifteenth floor, the movie smash hits 5 hits you with a screeching record scratch and we are suddenly flashing back to three weeks earlier in a dusty village where our main star from the bold new wave of bollywood movies is casually tending to his goats and looking sad about his dad's old tractor.

The funny thing is the village elder has this weird neon pink scarf that doesn't match the rustic vibe at all and the camera zooms in on it for like a solid four minutes while dramatic tabla drums play in the background and everyone in the theater is just staring at this stupid scarf wondering why it exists.

Anyway our hero gets a letter written in red ink that says he has to go to Mumbai immediately if he wants to save his brother from a corrupt politician who runs an underground fish-packing empire.

So he goes to Mumbai and there's a totally unnecessary song and dance number right in the middle of a serious police raid where sixty backup dancers appear out of nowhere in full neon tracksuits to support the lead actor as he lip-syncs about heartbreak while dodging rubber bullets.

Right after that random musical break hits us we finally reach the interval block where the screen just cuts to black right as a massive shipping container falls on top of the villain's car and everyone in the cinema rushes out to buy samosas and chai.

When the second half starts the movie accelerates everything so fast that the villain gets defeated in one single punch and then the plot completely pivots to an entirely different subplot involving international jewel thieves operating out of a floating barge.

The choreography gets even weirder because now everyone is fighting with oversized spoons and the lead actress has three lines of dialogue total before she vanishes from the story completely without any explanation.

That sort of sloppy writing is pretty common in modern hindi movies but you just roll with it because the action scenes are so loud and shiny.

So then the villain's evil twin brother shows up out of nowhere demanding the return of the glowing blue microchip and there is a huge twenty-minute fistfight in a muddy construction site where nobody's clothes ever get dirty no matter how many times they roll around on the ground.

Our hero stands up slowly, wipes a tiny speck of dust off his cheek, looks directly into the camera, and whispers kitna bada bewakoof hai tu before delivering a spinning roundhouse kick that sends the twin flying straight through a billboard advertising instant noodles.

That whole sequence is basically peak cinema and proves why some of these classic hindi films still manage to pull massive crowds even when the plot makes zero logical sense from start to finish.

The movie wraps up with the surviving characters posing together on the hood of a burning police car while a catchy synthesizer beat plays over the credits and the camera slowly zooms out into the Mumbai sunset.


Movie Review:

The subtitle on the review copy of Smash Hits 5 is already peeling off at the bottom corner, which feels appropriate for a release that arrives with the distinct aura of an afternoon cable slot that lost its funding halfway through the broadcast. If I'm honest, nobody was waiting at the turnstiles for this particular iteration, a compilation that relies heavily on the collective goodwill generated by a shifting roster of names credited broadly as Bollywood Compilation. You sit down in the dark, or in my case at a desk with a lukewarm cup of coffee that has developed a skin, and you brace for the whiplash of five different directorial visions stitched together with the narrative thread of dental floss. It is not a cohesive feature film in the traditional sense, though calling it a movie at all stretches the definition until it groans. The opening sequence starts halfway through a tracking shot that was clearly meant for a completely different aspect ratio, leaving dead space on the left side of the frame while a digitally compressed bassline thumps against the drywall of whatever editing bay threw this thing together.

Directorial control is a strange concept when applied to a project with five distinct segments, each helmed by a different pair of hands working under deadlines that feel dangerously tight. Some directors lean into the saturated neon aesthetic of contemporary hindi films with a kind of desperate energy, while others drop the exposure entirely until the actors look like they are wading through wet concrete. The screenplay, if one actually exists on paper rather than as a loose collection of sticky notes stuck to a refrigerator, lurches between melodrama and flat exposition without pausing for breath. Characters enter a room simply because the running time demands a conversation, and they leave through doors that appear to lead into brick walls. You can feel the editorial room panicking as scenes are shaved down to their barest limbs to fit a rigid broadcast hour, leaving jagged narrative gaps where emotional context should reside. It resembles the structural integrity of Dhoom 2, minus the budget and the gloss that made audiences forgive the geography-defying chase sequences.

The rotating cast of performers tries valiantly to anchor material that keeps dissolving under their feet. Faces that usually command attention in full-length theatrical runs look slightly bewildered here, caught between the broad gestures required for the back row and the intimate cruelty of a medium close-up that exposes every last bead of sweat. When the script asks them to deliver dialogue about fate or betrayal, they push their voices down into their chests and hope the foley department covers the resulting strain with a heavy layer of ambient rain. There is a specific supporting actor in the third segment whose mouth movements are out of sync with the audio track by three distinct frames, and once you spot it, your eyes refuse to look at anything else. It's a small thing, but it bugged me for twenty minutes straight while the primary plot mechanics were supposedly resolving themselves.

Cinematography bounces wildly between digital crispness and the grainy texture of a badly transcoded YouTube rip found at three in the morning. Lenses change mid-scene, jumping from anamorphic squeeze to standard flat digital sensors that make the skin tones shift from copper to bruised purple depending on whether the character is standing near a window. The soundtrack deserves its own special warning, mostly because the mixing engineer seems to have left the dialogue track permanently pinned to the absolute floor while the percussion loops scream through the center channel. Songs from major hindi movies get chopped into thirty-second fragments that arrive without warning, undercutting dramatic exits with the opening bars of a romance track that was already dated when it hit the streaming charts three years ago. You hear the same snare fill four times in the span of ten minutes during the chase sequence, a repetitive audio cue that suggests the sound library had exactly one folder labeled action and nothing else.

Beneath the editorial chaos and the budget constraints, the project occasionally stumbles into themes of dislocation and urban alienation that feel genuinely earned. These moments of quiet observation usually happen during transitions, when the music cuts out entirely and the camera simply watches someone standing on a local train platform waiting for a connection that might not arrive. Modern bollywood has largely abandoned these minor, unglamorous observations in favor of green-screen spectacles and nationalist pageantry, making these brief pauses feel like transmissions from a parallel industry that values atmosphere over volume. Nobody in these fragments achieves redemption or learns a lasting lesson about the human condition, which feels far more honest than the neat moral packages usually handed down by commercial cinema. They just move from one crowded room to the next, hoping the lights stay on long enough to figure out what comes after the fade to black.

Evaluating something like this requires throwing out the standard rubric entirely because the rules of narrative progression do not apply to a stitched-together product designed primarily to fill weekend programming blocks. It fails basic tests of continuity, pacing, and tone management while somehow maintaining a strange, hypnotic rhythm that keeps you watching past the point where your attention should have snapped. When people talk about the vast landscape of hindi cinema, they usually mean the grand epics that dominate the global box office and sweep the annual awards ceremonies. This is not that. This is the stuff that plays on a small television mounted in the corner of a mechanic's waiting room while you pretend to read a six-month-old magazine, demanding nothing and leaving no impression behind once you walk out into the parking lot.

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