Badass Ravikumar
vcdSynopsis:
Ravikumar is just standing there in a dimly lit warehouse staring intensely at a glowing red briefcase while a guy in a spiked leather vest starts screaming at him in slow motion and honestly it is so loud and completely unhinged.
Let's back up for a second because jumping into the actual plot of Badass Ravikumar without any warning is the only way to process this fever dream of a film.
Himesh Reshammiya is back on our screens and he's doing the absolute most as the titular hero who wears sunglasses indoors, leather jackets that defy physics, and delivers every single one of his dramatic lines like he's trying to yell over a jet engine.
The movie kicks off with him establishing himself as the ultimate one-man army who fights entire syndicates without breaking a sweat or messing up his hair gel.
He's taking down bad guys in neon-lit alleys and abandoned dockyards with punches that sound like thunderclaps and bodies flying through drywall for no reason at all.
Then Kirti Kulhari shows up as this sharp, no-nonsense intelligence officer who has to deal with Ravikumar's absolute chaos while trying to solve a massive national security crisis involving stolen nuclear codes.
Her character is trying to run tactical briefings with maps and laser pointers, but Ravikumar just interrupts her by striking a dramatic profile pose and singing a random fragment of a melody that has zero to do with espionage or terrorism.
Sunny Leone enters the fray as the ultimate femme fatale who steps out of a vintage convertible in slow motion wearing a sequined gown that catches every single colored light in the club while a wildly catchy item song blasts on the soundtrack.
This musical number literally halts all forward momentum of the hostage plot for five straight minutes just so everyone can dance around in smoke machines, and I'm not even mad about it because bollywood movies live for these sudden detours.
Seriously though, pay attention to the background extra in the third row of the dance scene who is wearing a violently yellow knitted sweater with mismatched buttons because once you spot him, you won't be able to look at anything else happening on screen.
Stuff happens and alliances shift dramatically when the main villain kidnaps the prime minister's dog and forces everyone into a high-speed desert car chase that ends with an explosion so big it looks like a Windows 95 screensaver.
And then boom, we hit the interval block right as Ravikumar is dangling upside down from a burning helicopter while firing dual submachine guns into a flock of CGI pigeons.
The intermission hits right there on a massive cliffhanger with his face frozen in mid-yell, giving you exactly fifteen minutes to process the sheer sensory overload of what you've just witnessed.
When the second half starts, the movie doesn't bother slowing down and just throws you right back into the madness without a single explanation for how he survived the helicopter crash.
The syndicate boss reveals his grand master plan to hijack the global economy using a floppy disk, which is hilarious in a modern action flick, and Ravikumar just looks deadpan into the camera and says, your time is up.
The final showdown takes place on top of a moving train that's somehow speeding through a snowy mountain range and a scorching desert at the exact same time because geographic continuity is for cowards in hindi films.
Kirti Kulhari fights off a bunch of henchmen with a steel pipe while Sunny Leone hacks the train's mainframe using a glowing tablet, and Himesh is just drop-kicking the main villain through wooden crates while shouting catchphrases about justice.
The villain falls off the train into a ravine, the train comes to a screeching halt right in front of a giant sunset, and Ravikumar casually puts his sunglasses back on, turns around, and walks straight off into the horizon as the credits roll.